...Many of the people we knew in New York think this a curious aberration, and in fact tell us so. There is no possible, no adequate answer to that, and so we give certain stock answers, the answers everyone gives. I talk about how difficult it would be for us to “afford” to live in New York right now, about how much “space” we need. All I mean is that I was very young in New York, and that at some point the golden rhythm was broken, and I am not that young anymore.

--joan didion, goodbye to all that

late last night, sachi started panting and shaking and howling. around 5am she basically went into a coma. the vet said even if they could diagnose her problem, there was no guarantee they could help her or that she'd survive the procedures.

she was thirteen and she was a great dog.

rabbit rabbit




i ate apples and honey today because hey, why not, i could go for a sweet year too.

last night i had a dream that i moved to another city and made a bunch of friends and we went out to do interesting things and my life was going to be so cool









fucking shit goddammit

my mom says i'm acidic but really i'm just not into bullshit

really the only thing of note recently is that they're bringing hydrox cookies back for a limited time because it's their somethingth anniversary and i'm way too busy planning how to buy a roomful of cookies to look up the article so do it for yourself and stay out of any grocery store within a one-hour radius of my house for the next month or so okay bye

having reassured myself that the ocean is still blue and there is still a great quantity of it, and that it still roars and roars...


(clickclick)


...today i realized i'm ready for fall, looking for the ends of things as always.
more kerouac, more fitzgerald, and finally on to bukowski.
same old sad bastard music, though for no real reason anymore.



my window will stay open for as long as the weather allows.

i haven't had internets, and still don't (computer died, waiting for my laptop). it doesn't really matter. sometimes i put things on my flickr from work, so look at that if you really need to know what i've been up to. mostly i just look at apartments i can't afford and whine at pat. i don't know. whatever. in the next month: pittsburgh, fire island, chicago. yes.

pat is great and bought tickets this morning for us and jody, just to the saturday show so we have enough time to drive. i want to go to the shedd aquarium while we're in chicago, maybe the world's fair park if there's time. this summer is getting better and better. baltimore on thursday; i'm mostly excited but also a little anxious that my nagging suspicion will be confirmed, that i'm not really friends anymore with most of the people who used to make up my world. but there will also be hugs from some people i've genuinely missed. last night i got a surprising "coming through on tour soon, let's hang out" text, which was nice.

clickclick, i went to see tom petty and nature has been doing some stuff.


at work yesterday morning i found out i spent a month working on a course for a commission that won't let their licensees take it online. they did not think to mention this to me anytime i talked to them about it, apparently. then i told everyone in my meeting that our department's move to the third floor just means i'm closer to the roof.

nothing else really. i'm reading library books, listening to records and thinking about planting some plants. the other day we made lasagna and i used the first of the basil i've been growing, it was delicious.

so these days i'm having a hard time remembering who i am, and reading old journal entries (not all of them mine) is not particularly helpful. confusion and subtext. don't delete what's almost forgotten, though, because how else can any of this be explained?



i still have strange dreams. i still listen to too much sad music. i still sense something important about frantic sweaty basements and streetlit corners and the atlantic ocean and - maybe most important now - the last bus from the port authority.





such phenomenal luck.

clickclick, i said i'd go back when it was skirt weather again.

clickclick, buffalo


on friday i'm going to new jersey for the first time since october, which was kind of a depressing/crappy trip, there are some good things planned this time but sometimes people turn out to be shitty so who knows how it'll go. fingers crossed.


other than that, i'm still working. paying off bills and saving money to move, hopefully in the fall. doing some little sewing projects, reading, playing with the fishtanks, keeping to the house when i'm in town, nothing really. not losing my mind, though, and not missing my life as much as i used to. there's a lot to look forward to.

clickclick, delicious


it's raining and i'd rather be sitting on a third-floor balcony drinking newcastles

clickclick, i harassed nature and ate baked goods, what else is new


also i have needed so many naps recently wtf

DEAR A&E

STOP SHOWING THE GODFATHER EVERY TIME I FLIP TO YOU

GO BACK TO SHOWING CSI EVERY TIME I FLIP TO YOU

THANKS

ME

i do not like spending an entire saturday not bothering to change out of my pajamas because it's cold and rainy and grey and lying on my bedroom floor listening to tom waits and drive by truckers is all i can work up the willpower to do.




but i do it anyway.

clickclick, i think i'm in love

Date:	2008-04-03 21:34
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	geeky

certain of my friends on here have had the discussion on whether it matters if the people you date like the same music you do.

so, does this sound a bit familiar?
( essay from the nytimes books section )